1) Thou shall always make yourself sexy
The temptation is to grow your leg hairs into an insulating forrest and pop on your comfy, sensible, discoloured chastity belt (knickers). Although I advocate this as a very effective cock-block, it is not an every day solution to single life. These knickers should only be worn when you are actively (not passively) avoiding sex, i.e. hot first date with someone you want to continue seeing and therefore can’t sleep with immediately (gutted). The thought of exposing your overgrown lady garden and the granny-pants that confine it will ensure you are more virginal than Mary herself.
So with this as your only exception, it is important to keep yourself sexy at all times. Even if no one is going to feel those silky legs or see that smoking matching underwear, I never feel more confident and desirable than when I know I look as good under my clothes, as I do on top. Not to mention if you do get lucky, you are totally prepared. Just try this, next time you are getting ready for a night out: don’t skip the exfoliation, shaving and moisturising sesh, put on your best underwear and check yourself out in the mirror before you get dressed. I guarantee it’s a bigger confidence boost than most guys could ever give you.
2) Thou will learn to be completely self-sufficient
I was driving from Southampton to Watford (party to next party) in a Fiat 500 full of gorgeous girls, steaming along in the fast lane when suddenly I heard a distressing alarm, as my car announced “tyre pressure low”.
I panicked, shrieking: “Oh this is why I need a boyfriend!!!! How do I fix the tyre pressure?!?!?”
Well I didn’t need a boyfriend actually, or even a boy, because my co-pilot Aimee knew exactly how to fix it, and now I do too. Topping up my tyre pressure is now one of my favourite activities because it makes me feel so accomplished, like I’ve really got my shit together. Nothing is more satisfying than learning to do things for yourself. You don’t need no man.
3) Thou shall love your own company
No matter how many friends you have, you will have time to spend with just yourself, and this is such a blessing. This is your me-time. Fill it up with wonderful things: yoga, baths, reading, exercise, walks, netflix-binges, baking, whatever you enjoy. All the things that take second-priority when you’re in a relationship and have to devote time to the boy, are now completely reasonable. Learning to spend and enjoy time with yourself is the best thing you will ever do.
4) Thou shall have a best-friend to perform any boyfriend responsibilities: The best-friend-cum-boyfriend
I think one of the hardest things people experience when recently single is the lack of constant, meaningful and caring communication. Generally your boy/girlfriend is the only person who texts you throughout the day, or calls you at the end, to ask how work was, how you are, what you ate, blah blah. When recently single this can feel like a huge void.
This is one area in which the Best-friend-cum-boyfriend excels. For me, this friend is Brigitte, we both became single within a month of each other, and swiftly became dependable for each other. We text every day without fail, for the first few months of our newly-found singledom, we spoke on the phone every day too. I see her several times a week, even if just for a cup of tea while one of us rages about a useless colleague, or text from the ex. We talk about the kind of things you would normally only bore your boyfriend with. And this is exactly what you need, in at least one friend. When Brigitte moved an hour away and got homesick after 4 days, I drove up to bring her back home. When I needed to collect my excitable puppy from a kennel, Brigitte got up at the crack of dawn to come with me, and restrain my surprisingly strong pup from climbing onto me for the hour long drive home. Brigitte squeezes the spots on my back for me and removes pesky ingrown hairs from my bikini line, we exfoliate each others backs. When I go on an impending multiple-couple date with my three sisters and their three boyfriends in the near future, I will bring Brigitte as my date.
5) Thou shall be grateful for thy freedom and not use it for evil
You won’t be completely independent and commitment-free forever, make the most of it (see blog post: YOYO). But also be responsible, just because you’re single, not everyone is. The f***-boys with girlfriends who snapchat you pics of their dick may wish they were also single but they’re not, and they don’t even have the balls to end the relationship that clearly isn’t satisfying them. Why would you even want to talk to someone like that anyway? Always uphold your strong and respectful morals.
6) Thou shall not get back with your ex
Trust me, I tried it. You broke up for a reason. Enough said.
7) Thou shall not even talk to your ex.
Do you miss him, or do you miss having someone to talk to? If it’s the latter, see number 4. If it’s the former, see number 6. Speaking to your ex is not going to be helpful in any way. If number 4 isn’t enough, and it’s male company you seek, work out who your back-burner relationship is and focus on that. A back-burner relationship is someone who you have, a little something something with, but neither of you, for whatever reason have taken things further. You fancy each other enough to keep in contact, but maybe the timing wasn’t right, or you just didn’t like each other thaaaat much. But when you have those occasional moments where you think to yourself “nobody wants me!” (not true by the way), instead of going to your ex for gratification go to your back-burner.
8) Thou will not hold off on planning your future because you haven’t met The One yet
Just because you’re not moving in with a partner, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move out and get your life together. In fact, I’m pretty sure that some people get into relationships purely to save on rent. Don’t be that person. You are an independent woman and you can have the whole double bed to yourself.
9) Thou shall have an action plan for bad days
So you can’t cry on your boyfriend’s chest, but you can call your friends or pop over for a cuppa, meditate or distract yourself with your favourite film, put on the soothing tones of David Attenborough (Blue Planet is your Mecca), you can light your scented candles, run yourself a bubble bath and have an early night. self-care.
10) Thou shall still have date night
Don’t stop doing the things you loved doing with your boyfriend just because you don’t have a boyfriend. My ex and I used to cook huge amazing meals, I thought I would miss that when I was single, but now I just do this with my friends. I go out for romantic boozy dinners, cinema trips, ice skating, drinks, with friends. It’s important that you don’t feel like you gave anything up when you became single.