But, dates don’t lead to relationships, do they?
I had a shocking realisation last week, whilst listening to a radio feature about dating. The DJ introduced the topic, “last week we talked about the end of relationships, breakups, so this week, we’re talking about the start of relationships: first dates” I snorted, how ridiculous to suggest that a first date would lead anywhere. Its 2016 and we don’t live in a rom-com. But as I came out of my cynical, seasoned single twenty-something stupor, I realised, she was right, at the start of all relationships, there has to be a first date. But surely I can’t be the only person who’s constantly going on first dates yet not finding constant relationship offers?
In the last few years I’ve been on all kinds of first dates, with boys who I’ve met on nights out, at festivals, through tinder, through friends. There are the dates where things seem to have gone well, but then you give them the most awkward, grandma-style, peck on the lips EVER to say goodbye, and then never hear from them again. The ones from tinder who you get on well with but instantly friend zone each other. The ones where you knew the date was doomed to begin with. The ones that you knew all along were just a means to an end, the end being: cock. The ones where you REALLY like the guy, until he breaks the news that he doesn’t want a girlfriend. The ones where he sounds good on paper, but theres just no spark.
So if I’ve been on this many dates, wheres my boyfriend?
I think most of single society, like myself, have come to completely dissociate dating from relationships. And I largely blame this effect on Tinder. Where Tinder is involved, dates have become the polite, pre-hookup ritual. Check he/she’s not a dangerous psycho, check if you actually want to sleep with them, check that they aren’t actually The One (which would mean investing in a Long Game scenario), and then wham bam next thing you know you’re between the sheets after a second-date Netflix and Chill sesh. Dating someone in 2016 is not so much to find the love of your life, but to find someone to pass the time with.
Personally I don’t find this such a bad thing, but for people who really do want to find their next partner, this must be incredibly frustrating, how do you source the good intentions from the naughty?
I suppose I’m guilty of the bad intentions, I rely on the fact that my dates never lead anywhere. I love dating, but if I actually found someone worth getting serious with, I’d have to sacrifice my single status. I’m really pondering this issue this week, after going on a date with a truly lovely, 6 foot 7, half Italian personal trainer, Fabio, who, although physically is very my type, is certainly not The One. I’ve agreed to go bowling with him tonight, but I fear his intentions are so good that I would be leading him on. I’ve never been on a date with such a perfect gentleman, he barely kissed me goodbye last time, whereas I’m used to intense pressuring to accompany them home, so I don’t think he’s a potential casual-relationship suitor. Should I investigate the situation further in case he surprises me or is he a genuine survivor of the pre-Tinder dating days? Detective Alexa is on the case.