I don’t mean to generalise, but I will. There is something seemingly lacking in every boy that I meet. I have my four core desirable characteristics: Funny, Attractive, Clever, and Kind (FACK). You can’t have all four. Sometimes you find a boy with three out of the four, sometimes you settle for one with two.


(Disclaimer: I should really mention the fifth vital characteristic, single (S), generally the boys with all four are taken. Many of my friends have managed to find boys who fit all of their requirements and make lovely partners)

Generally the really attractive ones lack emotional availability, particularly if they are smart too, they coast from girl to girl, without really connecting with or getting attached to any of them, often much to the girls surprise.

Clever and funny can either come hand in hand to create a boy with incredible wit, or can be mutually exclusive, i.e. so clever that one has lost touch with reality (the kind of boy you might describe as being “on the spectrum”). Or, in a story I recently heard from a friend, one can act as a costume for the other: Faith had found this boy on Tinder, she was intrigued by his blunt messages and strange style of speech; He spoke to her in a way that one could only expect from Sherlock to Watson, or an aspergic Mark Francis. Mistakenly taking his apparent literary eloquence via written messages, as a witty, sarcastic sense of humour, Faith agreed to a date. Only to meet an either psychopathic or completely autistic Cambridge Graduate in the flesh. The date still haunts her.

Often unattractive guys are really, really funny, or atleast this is the stereotype. They don’t take themselves too seriously, and rely on their wit to attract women. It is certainly true that you can laugh a woman into bed, or you can me anyway. It also seems to me that every attractive group of boys has the token chubby funny mate, he’s the life and soul of their party. If it weren’t for him, not even their swole muscles, plunging V-necklines and Peaky Blinders haircuts would attract a group a group of girls their way for more than a minute. Because without “Fat Gary”, they are simply no fun.

geordie

But wait, heres the plot twist. If you were wondering who this beautiful creature, cooking me breakfast in his underwear, on my instagram is, thats Lance. I met him while I was backpacking in the Baltics this summer. It took me the whole of Estonia, and a good part of Lithuania to realise that this guy is genuinely FACK as fuck. He has the whole package. He makes me laugh, a lot. He’s clearly gorgeous. He’s smart. And he’s absolutely lovely and completely emotionally availablsexybreakye; This is the part which took me so long to believe, and it’s the factor which most boys who me and my single friends meet, are missing. In England, guys aren’t like this. Its either because they don’t want girlfriends or because they are truly a nob. Hence why, when you’re seeing a boy, you have to keep each other at arms length and pretend you’re not really interested. So when Lance asked me to come home with him after a party, two days after we met, I refused, assuming it would be a one night stand and he would ignore me the next morning (I am so done with these sort of un-fulfilling relationships). But we met again by chance, in a hostel in Vilnius, and this time, my drunk-self made the decision to trust him. Well done drunk Alexa. After waking up next to him in complete shock, fully clothed, to the point that my bag was still across my body, with no recollection of getting there, I decided to give him a chance. He was completely different to what I had assumed, we spent the next day and night in awe of each other and after a sad goodbye agreed to meet again. I went to Italy to see him this week, the romance was rife. I’ve never met anyone like him.

Unfortunately, the plot thickens. Of course it’s not that simple. Lance is American, and had to fly home to start a new job the day after our rendezvous holiday. I know, it’s like a Shakespearean Tragedy. With the potential man of my dreams, a nine hour flight away, can we make this work? All I know is, a holiday to Miami is definitely on the cards this autumn.

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