Dating

Up-Date on The Date

Ok I take it all back, there’s more to Fabio than met my eye on our first date. I wasn’t expecting much from date number two, but I was pleasantly surprised. Here’s a little play-by-play of our date:

So i’m driving to his house to pick him up for bowling. I’m wearing skin tight black jeans with a skin tight black top and…. I need to fart. My pre-date logic says, fart-away, having that gas in my tum is only gonna bloat it out into what I call, The Front-Bum (I hope I’m not the only one to experience this). In any case, more farting = flatter tummy.

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April 28, 2016 1

Dating since Tinder

But, dates don’t lead to relationships, do they?

I had a shocking realisation last week, whilst listening to a radio feature about dating. The DJ introduced the topic, “last week we talked about the end of relationships, breakups, so this week, we’re talking about the start of relationships: first dates” I snorted, how ridiculous to suggest that a first date would lead anywhere. Its 2016 and we don’t live in a rom-com. But as I came out of my cynical, seasoned single twenty-something stupor, I realised, she was right, at the start of all relationships, there has to be a first date. But surely I can’t be the only person who’s constantly going on first dates yet not finding constant relationship offers?

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April 21, 2016 1

Is a friend-with-benefits really the solution to being single?

As a happily single 20 something with a high sex drive but no committed ‘Facebook official’ penis (attached to a boyfriend, not myself), I’ve often touted the presence of a fuck buddy as the solution. Not only a solution to a dry spell, but also for when you’re craving male attention, feeling ugly, or bored or lonely. Friends sometimes say to me that wanting regular sex with the same man means I want a boyfriend, but it’s really not that simple. I REALLY don’t want a boyfriend. I want some very specific qualities of a boyfriend. Essentially, I want good sex, and I don’t want to sleep with a different man every time (really it takes a few go’s to get to know each other and let go, therefore it’s much more efficient to sleep with the same guy each time – guaranteed satisfaction). But I don’t want any of the commitment, sacrifice or agg that a relationship brings.

Theoretically, a fuck buddy could offer exactly this. But I’ve had 3 casual relationships in my life, and they’ve all been very different apart from one common factor, they all have a short sell-by.

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April 14, 2016 1

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I’m losing count of the amount of times in my life that I have become besotted with boys who really don’t care about me at all. I think we are all guilty of falling for and putting up with these boys for far too long. I’ve been ignored and then told off like a naughty child by the boy I was seeing but forgave him instantly because he came round with a free sachet of hot chocolate. I let the same boy keep me at arms length for a whole term at university because he “didn’t know what he wanted” whilst telling me he loved me as he orgasmed. I continued seeing a boy after a friend found him on Tinder, despite a conversation where we both expressed that we didn’t have Tinder, because he called me “beautiful” about once a month. I let him use me as a taxi service because he was so cute with my dog. I walked down a terrifying canal tow-path to his house (boat) alone, even after I asked him to escort me, because he was going to cook us dinner and couldn’t leave the oven on, yet when I got there he hadn’t even started cooking the Tesco-own sauce-from-a-jar carbonara. I let a boy who I clearly had fallen for use me for sex for half a year because he told me he had shown my Facebook page to his friends (that means he’s proud of me right?), yet when I suggested we go on a date he said “yeah we could go for a coke in the park”.

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How to survive a blind date that you wish you were blind for

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Last night I went on a blind date with someone who I already knew I didn’t fancy. Ok so it wasn’t technically a blind date, I had met him for about five minutes in a pub a couple of weekends ago. My friend Jen was seeing his best friend, James, and had gone over to the group of boys, asked who was single, and who fancied me. Nate answered yes to both, and my fate was set. Jen gave him my number and me my marching orders: “be nice to him, you can’t show me up” and a list of questions “does James like me, does he date many girls, is he seeing anyone else” and so on.
Detective Alexa to the rescue.

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March 20, 2016 0

the holy fail

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