So generally my posts can be of quite a man-hating disposition, and my male friends were starting to fret. The truth of the matter is: Prince Charming does exist, and you’ve probably met him 100 times already. Not all boys are fuckboys, but when you friend-zone all of your lovely mates, and only meet potential lovers in clubs and bars or worse, on tinder, you start to paint every boy with the same brush, because as far as you’re concerned, you’ve had the exact same experience with every boy you’ve crushed on this year. I’m SO guilty of this.
Anyway, back to the good ones. Their main complaint was that they get taken advantage of: Take Nelson, he had just begun seeing a girl who he had a little history with. Things were going brilliantly, or so he thought. He told me that they were in a Fre-Longship – that translates to a: more-than-friends-with-benefits-but-not-a-relationship-long-distance-relationship. Complicated right. My alarm bells went off: why was this girl so keen to highlight the fact that they weren’t heading down relationship avenue, whilst Nelson on the other hand was head-over-heels for her? It all came to a tumultuous end when, after a super-cute camping trip, this girl “suddenly realised” she just wanted to be friend, no benefits. Surprised? It does sound surprising, girls always want a boyfriend, right? It’s always the boys fault it never goes anywhere, right? If we turn this story on it’s head, and it was Nelson who had been leading a girl on and then suddenly ended it, this would be pretty standard.
Granted, this girl is a genuine FuckGirl. She is a serial monogamist and had already shamelessly led Nelson on in the past, spending an entire weekend in bed with him, before surprising him by showing up to a house party with her new boyfriend. But why do these boys get walked all over by the rest of us too? I think there are two explanations:
- The culture of Fuckboys has become so normalised that we expect nothing less than this treatment. We are used being suddenly ghosted by boys who we were dating, or kept at arms length for months on end because “we’re just seeing each other”. Therefore we have built up our Fuckboy Armour and constantly replenish our stocks of Nasty Boy Repellent: We are savvy when we are seeing boys because we don’t want to get hurt, and we also need to check that they are “a good one” – I think sometimes we do this by pushing them to their limits and seeing if they stay. I suppose that we could come across pretty bitchy: I know it takes me a while to really show a boy who I am without all the bravado.
- I think that some girls who aren’t looking for relationships but enjoy dating, take advantage of the fact that most boys won’t wife them, or even get attached. When they meet an actual nice guy they would naturally push them away to avoid falling into a relationship.
The Friend Zone
And this treatment of the Good-Guys who we’ve actually given a chance to, the majority of the nice ones get friend zoned. We moan to them that we just want a boy to treat us right and take us seriously, when the solution is right in front of us. I have a theory for this too: When you meet a boy (or girl) you either connect with them or you don’t, if you connect with them, you probably fancy them, just a little tiny bit at least. You have entered the Flirtation Zone: There is potential, during this incubation period for you to hook up and make a go of it. But if for whatever reason, this doesn’t happen, maybe you work together, one of you is in a relationship, one of you is too nervous, and so on, and there is no hooking up, you are now heading down to the Friendship-Only Zone. A boy can’t get out of the Friend-Zone, the way you view him is now permanently altered. This happens a lot to the good guys, because they don’t want to overstep the mark and they are worried they might make you feel uncomfortable, so they don’t make a move during their period of opportunity.
I think it’s time we all stop moaning about being single and give the good ones a chance. Next time you meet a lovely boy and immediately assume he’s going to be your next best friend, give him a chance, make the first move – he’s not going to do it!